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Mama Megs
18 January 2012 @ 10:10 pm
If anyone in San Diego wants to make some extra ca$h, and has some time on their hands, I've got like 4 sizable diaper boxes full of baby clothes, etc, that needs to be sold on eBay. You keep 40% of the total sale (of the items. not shipping. that's all you. if you can profit from it, more power to ya). I have a pretty good idea of how big the lots should be, and how to price them, I just don't have the time to photograph and package and ship the stuff. hit me up if interested.
Mama Megs
a discussion with my two year old, 10 mins after I put on Cats and Dogs (the movie)

Mommy and Daughter are totes shnugging on the couch.

Sadie: cats! and dogs! dogs! and cats! *for ten minutes straight*
Mama: That's right, honey! Cats and Dogs! Yayyy!
Sadie: Doggie - Daddy!
Me: Huh?
Me: ERM... No. Doggie is good. Kitty Kat is evil! Doggie is Mommie!
Me: *HMPH*  NOOO. *chuckles* no, honey! Kitty Kat is Daddy! Doggie is Mama! Yayyy!
Sadie: *looks right at me with the most serious face ever* NO, Mama. NO! Daddy. Is. Doggie! Mama. Is. Kitty. Kat!
Me: *totally indignant* ... whatever. LAME. You totally don't know what you're talking about, ok?!? so... you can just suck it. SUCK IT!
Sadie: SOCK!
Me: uhm... what?
Sadie: *in that almost freaking out tone* Sock! Sock! Sock is off! SOCK IS OFF! Want sock on! PINK SOCK ON!!
Me: OMG, WTS! You're sock is on! IT'S ONNNN!
Sadie: *sigh of relief* OH! *chuckle* OK! SOCK ON!
Me: Mama is Doggy!
Sadie: *blinks*
Sadie: *puts her hands on my cheeks and kisses me* I Love You Mama!
Sadie: *warily* Mommy Doggy. Mommy Doggy, Daddy Kitty Kat *leaves couch and goes far away*
Me: That's Freaking Right! MOMMY DOGGY!

and all is right with the world.

Mama makes another drink. Happy New Year.
Mama Megs
24 December 2011 @ 07:29 pm
At what age did you stop believing in Santa?
Mama Megs
20 December 2011 @ 05:24 pm
I really don't understand why people have to be such ginormous douche canoes this time of year. IT'S CHRISTMAS, PEOPLE, FUUUUUUCK!   Today I ended up driving through Balboa Park to get to the freeway (because I didn't feel like sitting through traffic in Hillcrest). Well, my vehicle has horrible blind spots, both in front and back, and - well - I almost hit a pedestrian walking in a crosswalk. I had to slam on my breaks and everything. BUT, I honestly didn't see her and I did prevent the vehicle from colliding into her body.

I so wish I could take that back now.

I sort of waved that ubiquitous "oopsy, my bad, sorry" wave - WITH cringe face, ok? And this chick stops, flicks her sunglasses half way down her nose, cocks her head to the side, points at me and says "You're driving too fast! SLOW DOWN!" Honestly, I don't think it would've bothered me so much if she was an older woman, but she was clearly younger than me. Late 20's maybe. Hipster. WHO THE SHIT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO HIPSTER WHOREFACE? I WILL STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR OWN CROCHETED SCARF! (not really, I would never strangle anything, but I do now wish I would've said that)

Instead I replied "Merry Christmas to YOU!" and drove on. I didn't even flip her off, WTH. About 20 feet later and I pulled over to the side, fully intending to flip a bitch (figuratively and literally), but my mom wouldn't let me (LOL, bc I'm 13) (I'm not, just sayin). In 20 feet I got so heatedly pissed off that I was ready introduce that hipster bitch to my pimp hand, intimately. I totally could have because I didn't have the kids with me. THIS SHIT NEVER HAPPENS TO ME WHEN I DON'T HAVE THE KIDS WITH ME. 

Condescending Jerk Face. Obviously it wasn't on purpose. I could see yelling at me IF I HAD HIT HER! I hate people.

yeah yeah, it was my fault. whatever. shut up.
I'm Feeling: annoyedannoyed
Mama Megs
19 December 2011 @ 06:03 pm
Because they're both single now, I think David Duchovney and Demi Moore should be a real couple. It seems - appropriate.
Mama Megs
07 December 2011 @ 06:40 pm

You know what I don't get? Urinals. WTH with that shit, man? Like, when the whole public bathroom thing was being invented, why in the righteous hell was it decided that boys should all stand shoulder to shoulder, weinus in hand & plain sight, with the smell of their pee open to all the other peeing patrons. and guys done peeing but washing their hands. and guys waiting in line to pee? I mean, really? Girls make due with a toilet and a stall. Boys get a stall AND/OR a urinal, based on the options they require? and how is the urinal ever a viable option??? What if you totally farted while peeing (hey, it happens. like every time my fricken BF pees, ok?) and are standing next to some random dude? How embarrassing!!!! I'm SO GLAD I don't have a dick (it would be nice to have those kind of peeing options, though. outside of public bathrooms, I mean)

You know what else I don't get? How come every time baby wildlife are "boys" in the nature shows? Seriously, every time I'm watching some nature show and they show, like, a lion or a bear, with their cubs, the cubs are ALWAYS boy cubs. or pups. or whatever in the hell, ok? The ONLY time I've ever seen girl baby animals, are when they're showing meer cats or elephants. Because girl elephants are the stronger, more bad ass of the species, probably. At this point, I think they just SAY boy cubs or pups or whatever, because they think it's what people want to hear. They don't ever think that someone, at some point, is going to get wise to their sketchy ass crap. Well. I'm onto you - mofo's! so. there. *flexes*

Mama Megs
27 November 2011 @ 12:24 am
1. Seany caught my hack-cough. Which is weird, because, he didn't get my nose-cold. He never had the nasal congestion that moved south into his chest, like me... he just all of a sudden started hack-coughing, Today. I asked J to bring home some toddler cold or cough medicine, but he said that all of the baby cough medicine wAS 4 years +. Meanwhile Seany's wheezing in between coughing & it's freaking me out. My kids have never had "a cough" before. I keep going in to check on him every 20 mins to make sure he's still breathing. Hello NICU flashback  :\

2. Sadie is sleeping in my bed, with Justin. This hasn't happened since my babies were teeny weeny and would sleep in between eating. They never co slept. Ever. It's actually kind of sucked bc they straight up will not nap/sleep anywhere that isn't their cribs. Until now. This is probably my fault. Earlier this evening I went to check the mail and when I came back in and opened the door, I didn't know that Sadie was standing right in front of it, and the door went right over the top of her foot :(  I cut it pretty good, with a 2" gash across the top of her foot. I cleaned and dressed it, and she went into diva mode immediately. Eventually she crawled up into my bed, and refused to get out. She had been in there for hours by the time J got home. We tried putting her into her crib, but she caused enough of a fuss that we just left her. Anyway, they're both sleeping now. There is a pillow between them but I can't help but worry about him rolling over and smothering her,

So, I keep going in to check on both Sadie and Sean. I think I should just carry Sadie into her crib, since J has to be at work by 5:30am tomorrow. Meanwhile, they are all sleeping and I'm wide awake. AWESOME
Mama Megs
What the hell Justin!! Why did you jump out of the way? Now I have to clean projectile shit off the comforter and the carpet instead of just your shirt! (we still argue about this, 2 years later)

Sean! Get off you sisters head!

Sadie! Don't fork the wall! - and - Sadie, the fork is not a comb, honey.

(in the middle of a phone conversation, sitting on the chair) Sean! Oh My God, is my ass wet? WHY IS MY ASS WET?

Sadie, please stop drilling the chicken! (with the plastic drill that makes real drilling sounds) (Justin's favorite)

Are you brushing the monkey with the celery?

Sean! Leave sissy alone! She just wants to make her stupid watermelon sandwich in peace!

good times.
Mama Megs
19 November 2011 @ 05:10 pm
So. Seahorses don't have penises (penii?). I'm not going to get into how that came about... but now I have to live with the fact that it's in my browser search history. forever.

Hopefully Google won't take this into account when they decide to keep me or get rid of me *dies*
Mama Megs
18 November 2011 @ 08:50 pm
Because I am not a 13 year old boy, and because I don't suffer from allergies, I've never really seen the purpose of kleenex. Shit, my toilet paper is even 1 ply, which chagrins my mother to no end when she comes to visit. I have to have some hoity toity fricken 3 ply stuff for her.

Well. I will say this for 2 or 3 ply t.p. - it holds up to my projectile snot emissions MUCH better than the 1 ply. I just don't even bother, so I've been using paper towels, steadily, since Wednesday. My nose is raw, and this cold, specifically, has killed all of the joy of sneezing for me. forever. Who knew that sneezes could hurt? wtf?

It would be nice to have some of the taste back in my tastebuds as well. the area directly behind my face is killing me. actually, it's face, forehead, teeth and brains. how can my shit be so congested and runny at the same time? GOD. I need some of that lotiony tissue. *cries*
I'm Feeling: pissed offsnotty
Mama Megs
08 November 2011 @ 08:36 pm
Ok. SUUUPER crappy video quality, but I got it in audio, anyway ;)

Mama Megs
08 November 2011 @ 07:44 pm
I picked up a couple of footie jammies for Sadie today, one with monkeys and one with frogs. Right now they are being washed, and she is most impatient. Also, when she says FROG is sounds exactly like FUCK (froggy is fucker, etc). Basically she's hopping around and whining:

Mama! Monkey Fucker? Monkey? Fuck? Fucking Monkey?! Dada! Fucking Monkey - Monkey Fucker!

My stomach still hurts from laughing. Imma try and get that shit on tape.
I'm Feeling: amusedamused
I'm Rocking: Rainbow Connection
Mama Megs
07 November 2011 @ 11:00 am
Somehow Sadie has skipped past the PLEASE and THANK YOU stage, and gone straight to the PLEASE MOM? PLEEEEEEAAAAAAASE MOOOOOOOOM? stage. I've yet to hear a Thank You, hmph.

We've also entered the WHAT'S THAT, MOM? stage. except it's more like WHATSTHATMOM WHATSTHATMOM WHATSTHATMOM WHATSTHATMOM??????? all day *sighs* curiouser and curiouser, this one.

And did I mention precocious (like 1000 times now)? Last night she got a little over excited and smacked Justin on the leg while she was holding her toy keys. I immediately scolded her and told her to SAY SORRY to daddy. She just looked at me and then ran down the hallway. About 12 seconds later I hear SORRY DADDY from down the hall, in the smallest little voice you've ever heard. Like, she was ok to apologize, ON HER TERMS. even though she's never had to say she's sorry for anything ever yet. quick learner (manipulator) + daddy's girl = God Help Me.

I still have no real idea what to get the kids for Christmas. Not like I knew last year, anyway. Thing is, most of the toys I got them last year were not entirely age appropriate for them yet, so they're still playing with them. Also, they got MORE toys on their birthday. I think I might get http://www.amazon.com/Little-Tikes-School-Bus-Activity/dp/B00328LR7W/ref=wl_it_dp_o_npd?ie=UTF8&coliid=I2MWFTNLKJENON&colid=3P5YX6X2F5LUJ for them both, and maybe one or two other toys, and the rest of the stuff will be personal to each.... like clothes and shoes and little fun stuff. I've set a tight budget for X-Mas this year, and it goes quick.

Today is supposed to stay mostly sunny, and around 65... HELLO PERFECT WEATHER!! I wish it could be like that every day. I'll get the kids down for an early nap so we can can go do something fun afterward. Maybe back to the zoo. Get some exercise. I wish I knew of a place I could go where I could just let the kids run and play. With just me it would have to be completely enclosed, and supervised.
I'm Feeling: okayokay
Mama Megs
24 October 2011 @ 08:14 pm
Note to self: The next time there is a FAT HAIRY DISGUSTING SPIDER in the kids bathtub, just suck it the hell up and dispose of it. Quietly. Jumping around and shrieking like a damn epileptic banshee for three minutes is a BAD CHOICE. It can't hurt you. Rinse and Repeat.

It got worse when I "attempted" to squish it in the toilet paper, and the quick little shit got away and then scrambled around on four and a half legs. The epileptic banshee thing got worse by like 2.5 times. *shakes head* so bad.

Who knows WHEN I'll get the kids back in the tub again. I freaked them out way worse than that little 8 legged 4.5 legged thing freaked me out. and it freaked me out Big Time.
Mama Megs
I give Sadie the oatmeal box, since we've used all the oatmeal and she could seriously entertain herself for 20 minutes with an empty box.

Sean sees empty box and goes for it. Sadie lets out that pterodactyl scream she does and runs in the opposite direction.

I give Sean my red cloth lunch pail, so they each have a new thing to put stuff in.

Sadie promptly loses interest in the shitty little oatmeal box, seemingly grows a pair, and snatches the lunch pail from him.

Sean lets out a roar shriek that I'm pretty sure the Spartans started in that shitty movie with the painted on Abs. I must have Spartan roots. I rock!

I get the pail from Sadie to give back to Sean. She gives me that AW MOM look, complete with protruding out bottom lip, and the unspoken promise to lose her shit in 3... 2... 1

I *sigh*. Go to my closet that they haven't figured out how to get into yet, fish through some stuff and find a perfect little Sadie sized black purse. Basically something I'LL never use again anyway since it doesn't hold two diapers and two juice bottles AND BECAUSE WHY WOULD I NEED TO ROCK A CUTE LITTLE BLACK PURSE THAT PERFECTLY HOLDS A COMPACT, LIP STICK, KEYS, MONEY AND CELL PHONE ANYMORE? *snorts* lip stick. I kinda remember that stuff.

Sadie is beyond delighted and hasn't let go of it in 30+ minutes. I've told her 22 times that it's called a purse, but she insists it's a BAKPAK.

Alrighty then. hmph.
Mama Megs
16 October 2011 @ 08:18 pm
Anytime anyone in the house belches, passes gass or sneezes, including Sadie, she says "GOUDA!" most enthusiastically.

Thus replacing the obligatory "excuse mes" and "bless yous", forever and always. In this house.

Heh  ;) 
I'm Feeling: amusedamused
Mama Megs
14 October 2011 @ 12:26 pm
Yay, I ordered my Christmas cards today :)  I originally ordered size 5x5, but Shutterfly is having a killer deal right now. 20% off Cards. 10 free 5x7's and free shipping on orders $30+. I saved something like $23, and ended up getting a black card (instead of the original red one), which will make Justin happy. Well, happier. I wouldn't go so far as to say these things alone make Justin happy. Anyway, I get an additional $10 off (future order) for embedding into my Blog, so here it is. (if it shows up with a red x, IDK what to say. click on the X and it should take you to it)

Stationery card
View the entire collection of cards.

Mama Megs
10 October 2011 @ 03:43 pm
Does anyone else have the urge to stab themselves repeatedly in the face every time they hear Kate Bosworth sing the Cotton Song, or is that just me?

In other news.... *drum roll please*.... I GOT MY KIDS TO EAT EGGS!!! Two of them, in fact. Scrambled. And I didn't even have to hide them in the oatmeal (not that it ever works anyway). You guys, this is so huge for me. Sean wasn't happy about it, but he neither spit them out or horked on himself, which officially makes today the most successful eggs situation yet. WOOT!

I have make-up on, which is pretty much unheard of when I'm at home with the kids all day. Shit, I can barely be arsed to put it on before work. Anyway, I was bored during nap, but didn't feel like doing anything more "productive". Like cleaning the floors. i.e., the constant bane of my very existence. Ladies... humor me please.... what is your preferred mascara of choice? I tried that piece of crap from Cover Girl... the orange one and the purple one. They are so liars. I will never wear any cosmetics they make ever again. I fared a little better with Loreal's Voluminous Million Lashes, but it has a bad habit of flaking off when during declumping. I can't really pull off the whole smoky eye look, and I have THE straightest eyelashes ever. I might try a heated lash curler. That was a lot of typing about eye make-up. hmph.

I have another fricken teeth cleaning appt. tomorrow morning. *GROANS*  which is the exact opposite of something that I like doing. I would seriously rather watch Wow Wow Wubzy on a 24 hour loop than go ONCE AGAIN to get tortured. But I will. I hope your Tuesday morning is better than mine, lovelies.
Mama Megs
26 September 2011 @ 10:01 pm
seriously, you guys don't even want to know.

Click Me for Warm Fuzzy Smooshy Mushies instead.Collapse )
Mama Megs
16 August 2011 @ 04:09 pm
SO. This week for work I am required to complete somethign like 30 hours of mandatory on line training.... that is THE MOST BORING THING I'VE EVER HAD TO SIT THROUGH. srsly, I've made it through like 90 mins total. It's god awful ya'all.  SO SUCKY.

Did I really just say ya'all? Collapse )
Mama Megs
03 August 2011 @ 03:13 pm
I apologize in advance, because I can only figure this is totally PMS driven. I just watched a documentary about Tammy Fae (Bakker) Messner, done in 2000, and maybe it just did a really good job of painting her in a good light or something, but I think she was AWESOME. I think it really sucks that she was so hated by so many people. PEOPLE FUCKING SUCK. I had to wiki her, because I was THAT bummed when the documentary was over, and she died 4 years ago. Now I'm crying like a little bitch.