Mommy and Daughter are totes shnugging on the couch.
Sadie: cats! and dogs! dogs! and cats! *for ten minutes straight*
Mama: That's right, honey! Cats and Dogs! Yayyy!
Sadie: Doggie - Daddy!
Sadie: DADDY ! DOGGIE! DADDY - DOGGIE - DADDY - DOGGIE!
Me: ERM... No. Doggie is good. Kitty Kat is evil! Doggie is Mommie!
Sadie: KITTY KAT! KITTY KAT! KITTY KAT IS MOMMIE! DOGGIE IS DADDY!
Me: *HMPH* NOOO. *chuckles* no, honey! Kitty Kat is Daddy! Doggie is Mama! Yayyy!
Sadie: *looks right at me with the most serious face ever* NO, Mama. NO! Daddy. Is. Doggie! Mama. Is. Kitty. Kat!
Me: *totally indignant* ... whatever. LAME. You totally don't know what you're talking about, ok?!? so... you can just suck it. SUCK IT!
Me: uhm... what?
Sadie: *in that almost freaking out tone* Sock! Sock! Sock is off! SOCK IS OFF! Want sock on! PINK SOCK ON!!
Me: OMG, WTS! You're sock is on! IT'S ONNNN!
Sadie: *sigh of relief* OH! *chuckle* OK! SOCK ON!
Me: Mama is Doggy!
Me: TELL ME THAT MAMA IS DOGGY! I TOLD YOU THAT SOCK IS ON YOU TELL ME THAT MAMA IS DOGGY! RIGHT NOWWWWWW!
Sadie: *puts her hands on my cheeks and kisses me* I Love You Mama!
Me: NOOOOOOOOO. TELL ME I'M DOGGY. I'M DOGGGGGGYYYY! AND DADDY IS KITTY KAT! I'M DOGGY!
Sadie: *warily* Mommy Doggy. Mommy Doggy, Daddy Kitty Kat *leaves couch and goes far away*
Me: That's Freaking Right! MOMMY DOGGY!
and all is right with the world.
Mama makes another drink. Happy New Year.
I so wish I could take that back now.
I sort of waved that ubiquitous "oopsy, my bad, sorry" wave - WITH cringe face, ok? And this chick stops, flicks her sunglasses half way down her nose, cocks her head to the side, points at me and says "You're driving too fast! SLOW DOWN!" Honestly, I don't think it would've bothered me so much if she was an older woman, but she was clearly younger than me. Late 20's maybe. Hipster. WHO THE SHIT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO HIPSTER WHOREFACE? I WILL STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR OWN CROCHETED SCARF! (not really, I would never strangle anything, but I do now wish I would've said that)
Instead I replied "Merry Christmas to YOU!" and drove on. I didn't even flip her off, WTH. About 20 feet later and I pulled over to the side, fully intending to flip a bitch (figuratively and literally), but my mom wouldn't let me (LOL, bc I'm 13) (I'm not, just sayin). In 20 feet I got so heatedly pissed off that I was ready introduce that hipster bitch to my pimp hand, intimately. I totally could have because I didn't have the kids with me. THIS SHIT NEVER HAPPENS TO ME WHEN I DON'T HAVE THE KIDS WITH ME.
Condescending Jerk Face. Obviously it wasn't on purpose. I could see yelling at me IF I HAD HIT HER! I hate people.
yeah yeah, it was my fault. whatever. shut up.
You know what I don't get? Urinals. WTH with that shit, man? Like, when the whole public bathroom thing was being invented, why in the righteous hell was it decided that boys should all stand shoulder to shoulder, weinus in hand & plain sight, with the smell of their pee open to all the other peeing patrons. and guys done peeing but washing their hands. and guys waiting in line to pee? I mean, really? Girls make due with a toilet and a stall. Boys get a stall AND/OR a urinal, based on the options they require? and how is the urinal ever a viable option??? What if you totally farted while peeing (hey, it happens. like every time my fricken BF pees, ok?) and are standing next to some random dude? How embarrassing!!!! I'm SO GLAD I don't have a dick (it would be nice to have those kind of peeing options, though. outside of public bathrooms, I mean)
You know what else I don't get? How come every time baby wildlife are "boys" in the nature shows? Seriously, every time I'm watching some nature show and they show, like, a lion or a bear, with their cubs, the cubs are ALWAYS boy cubs. or pups. or whatever in the hell, ok? The ONLY time I've ever seen girl baby animals, are when they're showing meer cats or elephants. Because girl elephants are the stronger, more bad ass of the species, probably. At this point, I think they just SAY boy cubs or pups or whatever, because they think it's what people want to hear. They don't ever think that someone, at some point, is going to get wise to their sketchy ass crap. Well. I'm onto you - mofo's! so. there. *flexes*
2. Sadie is sleeping in my bed, with Justin. This hasn't happened since my babies were teeny weeny and would sleep in between eating. They never co slept. Ever. It's actually kind of sucked bc they straight up will not nap/sleep anywhere that isn't their cribs. Until now. This is probably my fault. Earlier this evening I went to check the mail and when I came back in and opened the door, I didn't know that Sadie was standing right in front of it, and the door went right over the top of her foot :( I cut it pretty good, with a 2" gash across the top of her foot. I cleaned and dressed it, and she went into diva mode immediately. Eventually she crawled up into my bed, and refused to get out. She had been in there for hours by the time J got home. We tried putting her into her crib, but she caused enough of a fuss that we just left her. Anyway, they're both sleeping now. There is a pillow between them but I can't help but worry about him rolling over and smothering her,
So, I keep going in to check on both Sadie and Sean. I think I should just carry Sadie into her crib, since J has to be at work by 5:30am tomorrow. Meanwhile, they are all sleeping and I'm wide awake. AWESOME
Sean! Get off you sisters head!
Sadie! Don't fork the wall! - and - Sadie, the fork is not a comb, honey.
(in the middle of a phone conversation, sitting on the chair) Sean! Oh My God, is my ass wet? WHY IS MY ASS WET?
Sadie, please stop drilling the chicken! (with the plastic drill that makes real drilling sounds) (Justin's favorite)
Are you brushing the monkey with the celery?
Sean! Leave sissy alone! She just wants to make her stupid watermelon sandwich in peace!
Hopefully Google won't take this into account when they decide to keep me or get rid of me *dies*
Well. I will say this for 2 or 3 ply t.p. - it holds up to my projectile snot emissions MUCH better than the 1 ply. I just don't even bother, so I've been using paper towels, steadily, since Wednesday. My nose is raw, and this cold, specifically, has killed all of the joy of sneezing for me. forever. Who knew that sneezes could hurt? wtf?
It would be nice to have some of the taste back in my tastebuds as well. the area directly behind my face is killing me. actually, it's face, forehead, teeth and brains. how can my shit be so congested and runny at the same time? GOD. I need some of that lotiony tissue. *cries*
Mama! Monkey Fucker? Monkey? Fuck? Fucking Monkey?! Dada! Fucking Monkey - Monkey Fucker!
My stomach still hurts from laughing. Imma try and get that shit on tape.
We've also entered the WHAT'S THAT, MOM? stage. except it's more like WHATSTHATMOM WHATSTHATMOM WHATSTHATMOM WHATSTHATMOM??????? all day *sighs* curiouser and curiouser, this one.
And did I mention precocious (like 1000 times now)? Last night she got a little over excited and smacked Justin on the leg while she was holding her toy keys. I immediately scolded her and told her to SAY SORRY to daddy. She just looked at me and then ran down the hallway. About 12 seconds later I hear SORRY DADDY from down the hall, in the smallest little voice you've ever heard. Like, she was ok to apologize, ON HER TERMS. even though she's never had to say she's sorry for anything ever yet. quick learner (manipulator) + daddy's girl = God Help Me.
I still have no real idea what to get the kids for Christmas. Not like I knew last year, anyway. Thing is, most of the toys I got them last year were not entirely age appropriate for them yet, so they're still playing with them. Also, they got MORE toys on their birthday. I think I might get http://www.amazon.com/Little-Tikes-Scho
Today is supposed to stay mostly sunny, and around 65... HELLO PERFECT WEATHER!! I wish it could be like that every day. I'll get the kids down for an early nap so we can can go do something fun afterward. Maybe back to the zoo. Get some exercise. I wish I knew of a place I could go where I could just let the kids run and play. With just me it would have to be completely enclosed, and supervised.
It got worse when I "attempted" to squish it in the toilet paper, and the quick little shit got away and then scrambled around on four and a half legs. The epileptic banshee thing got worse by like 2.5 times. *shakes head* so bad.
Who knows WHEN I'll get the kids back in the tub again. I freaked them out way worse than that little
Sean sees empty box and goes for it. Sadie lets out that pterodactyl scream she does and runs in the opposite direction.
I give Sean my red cloth lunch pail, so they each have a new thing to put stuff in.
Sadie promptly loses interest in the shitty little oatmeal box, seemingly grows a pair, and snatches the lunch pail from him.
Sean lets out a roar shriek that I'm pretty sure the Spartans started in that shitty movie with the painted on Abs. I must have Spartan roots. I rock!
I get the pail from Sadie to give back to Sean. She gives me that AW MOM look, complete with protruding out bottom lip, and the unspoken promise to lose her shit in 3... 2... 1
I *sigh*. Go to my closet that they haven't figured out how to get into yet, fish through some stuff and find a perfect little Sadie sized black purse. Basically something I'LL never use again anyway since it doesn't hold two diapers and two juice bottles AND BECAUSE WHY WOULD I NEED TO ROCK A CUTE LITTLE BLACK PURSE THAT PERFECTLY HOLDS A COMPACT, LIP STICK, KEYS, MONEY AND CELL PHONE ANYMORE? *snorts* lip stick. I kinda remember that stuff.
Sadie is beyond delighted and hasn't let go of it in 30+ minutes. I've told her 22 times that it's called a purse, but she insists it's a BAKPAK.
Alrighty then. hmph.
Thus replacing the obligatory "excuse mes" and "bless yous", forever and always. In this house.
In other news.... *drum roll please*.... I GOT MY KIDS TO EAT EGGS!!! Two of them, in fact. Scrambled. And I didn't even have to hide them in the oatmeal (not that it ever works anyway). You guys, this is so huge for me. Sean wasn't happy about it, but he neither spit them out or horked on himself, which officially makes today the most successful eggs situation yet. WOOT!
I have make-up on, which is pretty much unheard of when I'm at home with the kids all day. Shit, I can barely be arsed to put it on before work. Anyway, I was bored during nap, but didn't feel like doing anything more "productive". Like cleaning the floors. i.e., the constant bane of my very existence. Ladies... humor me please.... what is your preferred mascara of choice? I tried that piece of crap from Cover Girl... the orange one and the purple one. They are so liars. I will never wear any cosmetics they make ever again. I fared a little better with Loreal's Voluminous Million Lashes, but it has a bad habit of flaking off when during declumping. I can't really pull off the whole smoky eye look, and I have THE straightest eyelashes ever. I might try a heated lash curler. That was a lot of typing about eye make-up. hmph.
I have another fricken teeth cleaning appt. tomorrow morning. *GROANS* which is the exact opposite of something that I like doing. I would seriously rather watch Wow Wow Wubzy on a 24 hour loop than go ONCE AGAIN to get tortured. But I will. I hope your Tuesday morning is better than mine, lovelies.